March 25, 2008
god make me a bird...
Dear Lord. I hate my life right now. I know it sounds drastic. Your whole life? people ask. Well, maybe not all of it. But damn near close. I hate my job. I hate my city of residence. I hate my debt. I hate my mind. I hate feeling trapped. I wish I could feel better. I wish there was a glimmer of hope. But as long as I work for minimum pay in a shitty industry, there really isn't. I cannot get ahead. I just keep sitting at the exact same place month after month. Never gaining ground. And if I were paying ALL my loans right now, I would be slowly falling deeper into the hole. So while I can escape this city, I would love to. Give me all your cliches, the grass is always greener, your problems will follow you, blah blah blah. I never intended to stay here. Never. I never wanted to build a life here. I never wanted to be where I am now. I need to get out of Florida. I need a change. I need some help. Unfortunately, I don't have anyone on my side anymore.
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God knows all your frustration, hurt, anger. I know you don't want to live there anymore and i too understand the frustration of being in debt and not having the job you want or living in the place you wish you live for the time being. But this is something i've learned. God knows all of this and did you ever stop to thinking "maybe he's teaching me something here" maybe all these hangups and letdowns are His way of telling you, "hey, i know whats going on....trust in me, rely on me."
i came across this verse "randomly" the other week.
Philippians 4:12-13
12. I know what it is to be in need, and I know what it is to have plenty. I have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation, whether well fed or hungry, whether living in plenty or in want. 13. I can do everything through him who gives me strength.
I'm sure you know of the last verse, we've all been tought it in sunday school with the picture of the little boy or girl with a smile on his face and all his worries gone simply because of verse 13. Now that we're older, i think its time to dig a little deeper into that verse...and especially with verse 12 attached to it. i had never even read verse 12 before but it carries with 13 so well. no matter what our situation is, good or bad. God is there to give us strength.
I didnt expect to say all this and it's not too often that i get "preachy" but i thought i should share that with you. Keep talking to Him, kristi. Keep telling Him your frustration...but dont let it stop there. He is preparing you, even if you don't see it yet. He knows what is best for us far more than we do. Trust Him...just trust Him.
love ya.
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